Top 10 Drawbacks to Working in a Cubicle

David Letterman's Top 10 Drawbacks to Working in a Cubicle

 

10. Being told to "think outside the box" when you're in a friggin' box all day long.

 

9. Not being able to check e-mail attachments without turning around to see who's behind you.

 

8. Cubicle walls do not offer much protection from any kind of gun fire.

 

7. That nagging feeling that if you press the right button, you'll get a piece of cheese.

 

6. Lack of roof rafters for the noose.

 

5. The walls are too close together for the hammock to work right.

 

4. 23 power cords - 1 outlet.

 

3. Prison cells are not only bigger, they also have beds.

 

2. The carpet has been there since 1976 and shows more signs of life than your co-workers.

 

And the number 1 drawback to working in a cubicle...

 

1. You can't walk out and slam the door when you quit.

Our new means of transportation with the high price of gas

Gas this morning was unbelievable from $1.20 to $1.48 at some stations I have decided not to drive a car anymore. I'm buying one of the new motorcycles that are just out on the market.

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A COWASAKI!!!

Bonne blague!

Une femme reçoit souvent son amant pendant que son mari est au travail.

Un jour, son fils de 8 ans se cache dans l'armoire pour voir ce que sa mère fait avec cet homme-là.

Un moment plus tard, le mari rentre à l'improviste. Paniquée, la femme cache son amant, dans la même armoire.

Le fils : Fait sombre ici.

L'homme : Ouais c'est vrai

Le fils : J'ai un ballon de foot

L'homme : Content pour toi

Le fils : Tu veux l'acheter ?

L'homme : Non merci

Le fils : Mon père est là dehors

L'homme : ok, combien ?

Le fils : 250 piastres

Quelques jours plus tard, répétition des faits et le fils se retrouve dans l'armoire, en compagnie de l'amant de sa mère

Le fils : Fait sombre ici

L'homme : Ouais c'est vrai

Le fils : j'ai des super baskets.

L'homme se rappelant de la dernière fois grimace : combien ?

Le fils : 500 piastres

Quelques jours plus tard, le père dit à son fils : Mets tes baskets et prends ton ballon, on va faire une partie.

Le fils : Je peux pas, j'ai tout vendu

Le père : Pour combien !

Le fils : 750 piastres

Le père : C'est inadmissible d'arnaquer les gens comme ça, ces affaires n'ont jamais coûté ce prix là, je t'amène à l'église pour te confesser.

Le père amène son fils à l'église, le pousse dans le confessionnal et ferme la porte .

Le fils : fait sombre ici

Le curé : christ, pas encore toé !!!

Birth test

Birth Test

Once you have discovered your Birth Number, forward this email to the rest of your friends, including the one who sent this to you. Put your number in the Subject and Pass it on!

Have fun! Your birth date describes who we are, what we are good at and what our inborn abilities are. It also points to what we have to learn and the challenges we are facing. To figure out your Birth Number, add all the numbers in the birth Date together, like in the example, until there is only one digit. A Birth Number does not prevent you from being anything you want to be, it will just color your choice differently and give you a little insight.

Example November 20, 1940
11 + 20 + 1940 = 1971
1 + 9 + 7 + 1 = 18
1 + 8 = 9

Keep going until you end up with a single digit number. 9 is the Birth Number to read for the birth date in the example.

#1 THE ORIGINATOR

#2 THE PEACEMAKER

#3 THE LIFE OF THE PARTY

#4 THE CONSERVATIVE

#5 THE NONCONFORMIST

#6 THE ROMANTIC

#7 THE INTELLECTUAL

#8 THE BIG SHOT

#9 THE PERFORMER


# 1 - THE ORIGINATOR
1 's are originals. Coming up with new ideas and executing them is natural. Having things their own way is another trait that gets them as being stubborn and arrogant. 1's are extremely honest and do well to learn some diplomacy skills. They like to take the initiative and are often leaders or bosses, as they like to be the best. Being self-employed is definitely helpful for them. Lesson to learn: Others' ideas might be just as good or better and to stay open minded. Famous 1's: Tom Hanks, Robert Redford, Hulk Hogan, Carol Burnett, Wynona Judd, Nancy Reagan, Raquel Welch.

#2 - THE PEACEMAKER
2's are the born diplomats. They are aware of others' needs and moods and often think of others before themselves. Naturally analytical and very intuitive they don't like to be alone. Friendship and companionship is very important and can lead them to be successful in life, but on the other hand they'd rather be alone than in an uncomfortable relationship. Being naturally shy they should learn to boost their self-esteem and express themselves freely and seize the moment and not put things off. Famous 2's: President Bill Clinton, Madonna, Whoopee Goldberg, Thomas Edison, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

# 3 - THE LIFE OF THE PARTY
3's are idealists. They are very creative, social, charming, romantic, and easygoing. They start many things, but don't always see them through. They like others to be happy and go to great lengths to achieve it. They are very popular and idealistic. They should learn to see the world from a more realistic point of view. Famous 3's: Alan Alda, Ann Landers, Bill Cosby, Melanie Griffith, Salvador Dali, Jodi Foster

# 4 - THE CONSERVATIVE
4's are sensible and traditional. They like order and routine. They only act when they fully understand what they are expected to do.They like getting their hands dirty and working hard. They are attracted to the outdoors and feel an affinity with nature. They are prepared to wait and can be stubborn and persistent. They should learn to be more flexible and to be nice to themselves. Famous 4's: Neil Diamond, Margaret Thatcher, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Tina Turner, Paul Hogan, Oprah Winfrey

# 5 - THE NONCONFORMIST
5's are the explorers. Their natural curiosity, risk taking, and enthusiasm often land them in hot water. They need diversity, and don't like to be stuck in a rut. The whole world is their school and they see a learning possibility in every situation. The questions never stop. They are well advised to look before they take action and make sure they have all the facts before jumping to conclusions. Famous 5's: Abraham Lincoln, Charlotte Bronte, Jessica Walter, Vincent Van Gogh, Bette Midler, Helen Keller and Mark Hail.

# 6 - THE ROMANTIC
6's are idealistic and need to feel useful to be happy. A strong family connection is important to them. Their actions influence their decisions. They have a strong urge to take care of others and to help.They are very loyal and make great teachers. They like art or music. They make loyal friends who take the friendship seriously. 6's should learn to differentiate between what they can change and what they cannot. Famous 6's: Albert Einstein, Jane Seymour, John Denver, Merlyn Streep, Christopher Columbus, Goldie Hawn

#7 - THE INTELLECTUAL
7's are the searchers. Always probing for hidden information, they find it difficult to accept things at face value. Emotions don't sway their decisions. Questioning everything in life, they don't like to be questioned themselves. They're never off to a fast start, and their motto is slow and steady wins the race. They come across as philosophers and being very knowledgeable, and sometimes as loners. They are technically inclined and make great researchers uncovering information. They like secrets. They live in their own world and should learn what is acceptable and what's not in the world at large. Famous 7's: William Shakespeare, Lucille Ball, Michael Jackson, Joan Baez, Princess Diana

# 8 - THE BIG SHOT
8's are the problem solvers. They are professional, blunt and to the point, have good judgment and are decisive. They have grand plans and like to live the good life. They take charge of people. They view people objectively. They let you know in no uncertain terms that they are the boss. They should learn to exude their decisions on their own needs rather than on what others want. Famous 8's: Edgar Cayce, Barbara Streisand, George Harrison, Jane Fonda, Pablo Picasso, Aretha Franklin, Nostrodamus,

#9 - THE PERFORMER
9's are natural entertainers. They are very caring and generous, giving away their last dollar to help. With their charm, they have no problem making friends and nobody is a stranger to them. They have so many different personalities that people around them have a hard time understanding them. They are like chameleons, ever changing and blending in. They have tremendous luck, but also can suffer from extremes in fortune and mood. To be successful, they need to build a loving foundation. Famous 9's: Albert Schweitzer, Shirley MacLaine, Harrison Ford, Jimmy Carter, Elvis Presley

Women

A WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

Her daughter is on the cover of Business Weekly.

Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

A WOMAN'S REVENGE

"Cash, cheque, or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.

As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"So do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women, but I'll NEVER understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR

While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,

"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."

He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"

Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "Its Pillsbury, isn't it?"

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles.

The sales girl notices him and asks is she can help with anything.

He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.

She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?"

He answers, "You see it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's soooooooooooooooooooooooooo much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own…………so does she! (I think this guy is the one on the milk carton)

WIFE VS HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"

"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day……..30,000 to a man's 15,000.

The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men…"

The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."

The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"

WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first and them we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job and I can just wait for my coffee."

Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it's in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

Husband relplies, "I can't believe that, show me."

So she fetched the Bible, and opend the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages that it indeed says……….."HEBREWS"

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment, Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,

"Please wake me at 5:00AM."

He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said,

"It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.


God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!

Photo of my Piggy Bank after buying Gasoline today

Who said blondes are dumb

A guy gets on a plane and finds himself seated next to a cute blonde. He
immediately turns to her and makes his move.

"You know," he says,"I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike
up a conversation with your fellow passenger. So let's talk."
The blonde, who had just opened her book, closes it slowly and says to the
guy, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know,"says the guy. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," says the blonde. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask
you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
stuff--grass. Yet the deer excretes little pellets, the cow turns out a flat
patty, and the horse produces muffins of dried poop. Why do you suppose that
is?"

The guy is dumbfounded. Finally he replies, "I haven't the slightest idea."
"So tell me," says the blonde, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss
nuclear power when you don't know shit?

Aging gracefully

A 70 yr. old nurse walks into a bank and prepares to endorse a check. She reaches in her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer and tries to write with it. She looks up at the teller, pauses for a moment, then realizing her mistake, she says, "Well that's great......just great.....Some asshole's got my pen."

Reporters interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home is it?"

I've sure gotten old. I've had two by-pass surgeries. A hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer, and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation, hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But ...thank God, I still have my driver's license!

A 97 year old man goes into his doctor's office and says, "Doc, I want my sex drive lowered." Sir," replied the doctor, "You're 97. Don't you think your sex drive is all in your head?" "You're damned right it is!" replied the old man. "That's why I want it lowered!"

An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will. She told her rabbi she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Walmart. "Walmart!" the rabbi exclaimed. "Why Walmart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."

funny little slide show

I ripped these images out of a power point presentation. I won't be doing this again unless the images are super hilarious or cute. So the rule stands. No PPS files please!!!

The annoying thing part 2

http://www.ficient.ca/frog.mpg

 

This is that crazy frog thing that has been making the rounds.

THE RULES!

Please send me jokes e-mail in french or english. These messages can include images and links to video. Do NOT send jokes in attachment form unless it is a text file or picture please. I cannot post video unless it is a link to the video on another server. Unfortunately I am also unable to post power point (.pps) files. So uless you can convert them to text or html files please do not send them either. I'm looking for text jokes, funny images, links to funny video and spam if it's funny... or it has a bargain I can't pass up.

Please feel free to e-mail this link to people instead of e-mailing attachements all over the place. It clogs up the mail systems and eats up bandwidth for no good reason. Think about the mail servers. The future is nothing without mail servers.

Ideas for "out of office" responses

Suggestions for next time you're out of the office and need to set up an Auto-Reply e-mail
*********************
I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood.
*********************
I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you
*********************
You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of theoffice. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
*********************
Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
*********************
I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
*********************
Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
*********************
The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this one is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over).
*********************
Thank you for your message, which has been added to an email queueing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks and 3 days.
*********************
Please reply to this e-mail so I will know that you got this message.
*********************
I am on holiday. Your e-mail has been deleted.
*********************
Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
*********************
Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Please don't bother to leave me any messages.
*********************
I've run away to join a different circus.
*********************
AND, FINALLY, ABSOLUTELY THE BEST....
*********************
I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Barbarella' instead of 'Bob'.

Chuckles These are priceless guaranteed a laugh

WORDS WE CAN'T TAKE BACK

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back...or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the Testimonials of a few women who did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who work at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister walked away. To this day, my Sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:

While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:

Have you ever asked your child a particular question too many times? My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so, of course, I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then, I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said "No". I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST TESTIMONY:

This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow -- but don't get any....a true story. We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good? Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh.

The Annoying Thing...

Video Link

New page.

Let's see how this works out. You guys all need to flood me with jokes and the like at jokeblog at gmail dot com . I write it that way because I want jokes... not spam. However if you have a spam message that is amusing feel free to send it. I will post it if it makes me laugh.