KIDS IN GRADE SCHOOL DO THINK FAST
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!
TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile?"
JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: George!
TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
WILLIE: Me!
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
TEACHER: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
JOHNNY: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the
same day, same time."
TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father
didn't punish him?"
JOHNNY: "Because George still had the ax in his hand."
TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SAM: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as
your brother's. Did you copy his?
DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people
are no longer interested?
PUPIL: A teacher.
1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was
dead. "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child
innocently.You did WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You
know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it
didn't move."
2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes
later....."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of
water?" "No, You had your chance. Lights out." Five minutes later:
"Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" I
told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!" Five minutes
later......"Daaaa-aaaad...."
"WHAT!" "When you come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy
thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out
and keep slamming the door until St Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake,
Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was
tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he
asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me
tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't
dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was
broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."
5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the
children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One
little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat
down, the pastor leaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress.
Is it your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied, directly into the
pastor's clip-on microphone,"Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to
iron."
6 When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year
old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the
shower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes,
honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she
replied, but what's growing in your butt?"
7 A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two
plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a
bitch is nine..." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped,
"What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math
homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?"
the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the
teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The
teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother
asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a
bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered,
"What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken
Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken
Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little
went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is
falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you
think that farmer said? "One little girl raised her hand and said, "I
think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable
to teach for the next 10 minutes.
9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must
say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School,
and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I
thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
10 A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with
the boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys,
they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments
and asked, "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?"
Now keep that smile on your face and pass it on to someone else!!
