Elle est bonne

THE VIBRATOR!

As a mother passed her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a
strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she
observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator.

Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?" The daughter replied,
"Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close
as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."

The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the
other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he
observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. When he
questioned her as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm
thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as
I'll ever get to a husband! Please, go away and leave me alone."

A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed
the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that now familiar
buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room. She
cautiously entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the
couch, staring at the TV with the vibrator next to him buzzing like
crazy.

The wife shrieked, "What the hell are you doing?" The husband
replied, "I'm watching the ball game with my son-in-law."

Pass this along and make someone smile today...

How do these people survive?

You wonder how people like this can actually exist!

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> >>How do these people survive?
> >>
> >> ONE
> >> Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that
>
> >>you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked
> >>for a half dozen nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said
> >>the teenager at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only
> >>have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't order a half
> >>dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I shook
> >>my head and ordered six McNuggets.
> >>
> >> TWO
> >> I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few
> >>items and the
> >>lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked
> >>up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and
> >>placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the
> >>girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider",
> >>looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not
> >>finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how much this
> >>is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy
> >>that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and
> >>left. She had no clue to what had just happened.
> >>
> >> THREE
> >> A lady at work was seen putting a credit card
>into her
> >>floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to
> >>what she was doing, she said she was shopping on
> >>the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she
> >>was using the ATM "thingy."
> >>
> >> FOUR
> >> I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her
> >>car. &;quot;Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I
> >>should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now
> >>I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant
> >>convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I
> >>dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote
> >>thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I
> >>took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why
> >>don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a
> >>long
> >>walk."
> >>
> >> FIVE
> >>
>Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift.
> >>One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm
> >>almost out of typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier
> >>machine paper," the secretary told her. With that, the intern took
> >>her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier
> >>and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
> >>
> >> SIX
> >> A large motor home was towed into a car dealership a while
> >>ago. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the
> >>whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." When the
> >>manager was asked what had happened. He said that the driver had
> >>set the
> >>"cruise
>control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
> >>
> >> SEVEN
> >> My neighbor works in the operations department in the
> >>central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him
> >>when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a
> >>call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question:
> >>"I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys
> >>have a fire downtown?"
> >>
> >> EIGHT
> >> Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a
> >>metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a
> >>photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was
>placed in the
> >>copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they
> >>thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie
> >>detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
> >>
> >> NINE
> >> A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if
> >>she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating
> >>ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and
> >>should be fine, the mother says, I just gave him some ant
> >>killer..... Dispatcher: Rush him to emergency!