Blonde's Year in Review T C

Blonde's Year in  Review: 

January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired  from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles  won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw  puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on  escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make  Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June  - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a  slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later,  other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of car in rain  storm.....car swamped, because top was  down.

September - The  capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M  &M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4  1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh  108!!!

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven"  button on the phone!!! 
   
What a year!!

l'idiot

Je me suis réveillé ce jour là et j'avais 45 ans. Je ne me sentais pas
très bien, mais j'espérais que ma femme me souhaiterait un joyeux
anniversaire. A ma grande déception, elle ne m'a même pas dit bonjour.
Au petit déjeuné, mes enfants ne m'ont pas parlé. Arrivé au bureau, ma
secrétaire m'a dit "Joyeux anniversaire" J'étais heureux car, elle au
moins, s'en était souvenue, mais pas mes collègues, à ma grande
tristesse. A midi, ma secrétaire m'a dit : "Pourquoi ne pas manger
ensemble?". J'ai dit que c'était la plus belle chose qu'on m'ait
proposée ce jour Nous sommes partis prendre un verre et manger
ensemble. Sur le chemin du bureau, elle m'a dit :"Pourquoi retourner
au boulot, si tôt,un tel jour?" Et elle me proposa de passer chez
elle. Arrivée chez elle, elle m'a offert un verre et m'a dit : "Ca ne
te dérange pas que je me mette à l'aise?" J'ai répondu : "Quelle
question!" Et dans ma tête, je me disais que ça pouvait être une
expérience intéressante. Elle est partie dans sa chambre et ... est
revenue avec un énorme gâteau, suivie de ma femme, mes enfants, mon
patron et tous mes collègues ... et moi, j'étais comme un con, à poil
dans le salon!!!

Great Explanation

The wife comes home early & finds her husband in their master bedroom
making love to a beautiful, sexy young lady!

"You unfaithful, disrespectful pig! What are you doing? How dare you
do this to me the faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm
leaving this house, I want a divorce!"

The husband, replies "Wait, Wait a minute! Before you leave, at least
listen to what happened"

"Hmm, I don't know, well, it'll be the last thing I w ill hear from
you. But make it fast, you unfaithful pig, you!"

The husband begins to tell his story . . . "While driving home this
young lady asked for a ride. I saw her so defenseless that I went ahead
and allowed her in my car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well
dressed and very dirty. She mentioned that at she had not eaten for 3
days. With great compassion I brought her home and warmed up the
enchiladas that I made for you last night that you wouldn't eat because
you're afraid you'll gain weight; the poor thing practically devoured
them."

"Since she was very dirty I asked if she wanted to take a shower.
While she was showering, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of
holes so I threw her clothes away. Since she needed clothes, I gave her
the pair of jeans that you have had for a few years, that you can no
longer wear because they are too tight on you, I also gave her the
blouse that I gave you on our anniversary and you don't wear because I
don't have good taste."

"I gave her the pullover that my sister gave you for Christmas that you
will not wear just to bother my sister and I also gave her the boots
that you bought at the expensive boutique that you never wore again
after you saw your co-worker wearing the same pair."

The husband continues his story . . . . .

"The young woman was very grateful to me and I walked her to the door.

When we got to the door she turned around and with tears coming out of
her eyes, she asks me:

"Sir, do you have anything else that your wife does not use?"